Active Listening and Speaking

Being a great listener is just as important as being a great speaker (maybe even more). In the world of public speaking, if you don't have anyone that will listen to you then you have no reason to speak. Listening and speaking go hand in hand (or maybe ear to mouth).

IMPORTANT TO KNOW: A skilled listener will always be a better speaker.

Active Listening is PURPOSEFUL LISTENING that will allow you to RECOGNIZE, UNDERSTAND, and ACCURATELY understand what is being said by others.

Each audience member listening to the same speaker is not going to pick up on the same message exactly as everyone else because we all use a process known as selective perception to gather information.

With selective perception:

• We pay attention to what we feel is important. If it's important to you, you will pay attention. Of course, we don't all think the same things are important.
• We pay attention to information that we can relate to through personal experiences, our belief system, our attitude, and what we have observed.  HERE'S AN EXAMPLE- Click here to watch this Fedex Commercial!
• We sort and filter new information by connecting it to information we already know. This is a great "conscious" strategy you can use with new information you must remember; just link it something you already know. You can do this to remember names. Here's a good video that demonstrates this (in a funny way).

The best way to learn Active Listening is to first understand what gets in the way of Active Listening.

Distractions: External, Internal, and Other Barriers to Listening

Squirrels are distracting

An External Distraction is anything in the outside environment that is competing against the speaker. It can be a noisy fan, a radio, a baby crying, a shiny object, a pretty lady, a good looking guy, a stinky smell, a squirrel, or whatever takes your attention away from what is being said.

There is some control over these distractions and we'll get to that in a bit.

C'mon 9th Floor, Get There

Internal Distractions refers to what is going on inside (that's inside your head). This can be a worrisome thought, an excited feeling, a sickness, stomach issues, bad gas (which also creates external distractions), anxiety, or anything that you are thinking or feeling that takes your attention away from what is being said.

From personal experience the hardest internal distraction comes when I hear something that sparks a memory or thought and my mind then drifts to that event. We all do this when we listen and even when we are reading. There's a good chance when you read "bad gas" you had a memory of some unpleasant odor that was released (either by you or someone nearby) that created a lasting impression. For that brief moment, you were distracted.

Other barriers in active listening include scriptwriting listening, defensive listening, laziness, overconfidence, and cultural differences.

Scriptwriter listening is when you are more focused on what the speaker is going to say next rather than what is being said now.

Defensive listening occurs when you decide (usually prematurely) that you don't like what is being or will be said (goes against your values or is challenging a belief or opinion). Here's great example of this occurring in politics.

Czech Officials Fighting

Laziness is another barrier. You are too lazy in your attitude to put forth an effort to actively listen.

A close cousin to laziness is overconfidence. You have decided that you already know (or know more) than the speaker. Rarely do we know as much as we think we know (This does not apply to me because I know everything I need to know except for the things I don't know that I will know when I finally know them).

Finally there are cultural differences that get in the way of active listening. A great example of that was my statement above about me knowing everything except for what I don't know…etc. If you don't know me personally, this may seem like a dumb statement. Those that do know me may understand that it's my dumb sense of humor. Those from another country, may not understand the statement at all. Often we use "slang" words and phrases that may only be understood within other culturals. In the South (United States) they often use the word "fixin" as some kind of decision, like "I'm fixin to go to the store." Where I come from, I add a "g" to the end of that word and use it differently, such as, "I'm fixing my bike tire that has a hole in it."

Hopefully I haven't confused you and made you "dumber than a bag of hammers." 

(Figure that one out)

Now the good stuff-

How to Become a Great Active Listener

Control the distractions that you can control. You may have some control over external distractions by preparing ahead of time. Get to the speaking event early so you can be close and not be bothered by others around or in front of you.

Control your inner distractions by consciously preparing for the speaking event.

• Set listening goals- what you want to get out of the speech.
• Listen for main ideas (and write them down).
• See if you can pick up on the organizational patterns of the speaker.
• See if you can pick up on the speakers nonverbal cues.
• Take notes on those ideas, concepts, or delivery method that you liked or didn't like.

*A Note on Note Taking
There are many different styles to note taking. Find/experiment with what works best for you. Depending on the speaker and YOUR purpose, the note taking may change. One thing I discourage is writing in full sentences because it just takes too long. I personally like to use the 2 column method. I put a line down the middle of my paper and on the left side I write down anything I feel is important that the speaker says. On the right side I right down how it applies or is important to me (this is sometimes done after the speech).

The great thing about Active Listening is it make you a better critical thinker. In the world of business, critical thinking is highly sought after because those that posses good critical thinking skills can evaluate claims on the basis of well-supported reasons.

An increase of critical thinking ability allows you to discern between a speech that is valid and credible and one that is not.

Active listening and critical thinking are used together. When you use critical thinking you can learn to:

• Evaluate the evidence used as accurate or not.
• Assess an argument's logic (Is it solid logic based on facts or fiction?).
• Resist the trap of believing everything you hear, especially if it's from a "perceived" credible source. It's okay to question and challenge an argument.
• Consider multiple perspectives. 

REMEMBER THIS- YOUR TRUTH IS BASED OFF YOUR PERCEPTION, AND YOUR PERCEPTION CAN CHANGE.

Active Listeners are Better at Evaluating Others

Often in the realm of public speaking you will be called upon to evaluate others. Because your are more aware of what is being said and how it is being said, you become a better at evaluating someone.

Keep this in mind when you are evaluating others.

• Have a plan to evaluate. Have some kind of score card or rubric to evaluate from if possible (see Evaluation Form Examples).
• Understand the level of experience of the speaker you are evaluating. A good speech for a novice is different than a good speech of someone who has been professionally speaking. 
• Be honest in your evaluation. Remember that you are evaluating from your experience and what you believe to be good or bad. Just be honest and fair.
• Find positives to evaluate as well as some areas of improvement.
• Separate the speech from the speaker. You may or may not like the individual giving the speech. Focus on the speech rather than the individual.
• Give feedback that can be used. Often I see evaluations that say "You did a great job." Well that doesn't help. You need to explain how and/or why they did a great job. BE SPECIFIC.

In conclusion, I would say that becoming an active listener will help you in all areas of your life. Being a good listener takes practice, lots of practice.

Questions

1. How has active listening helped you personally or professionally in your life?
2. How has the lack of active listening hurt you in your personal or professional life?
3. Why is critical thinking so important to you? How can increasing your critical thinking skills help you get what you want in life?
4. Think back to the statement, "Your truth is based off your perception and your perception can change." What does that mean to you and how does it affect your listening skills?